Hi, Laura. My boyfriend and I broke up, and I wanted to ask you some questions about what he said. He told me that we could not hold hands or hug, and that's all we ever did because he didn't believe we should kiss either. But, he told me that holding hands and hugging was not "right" in dating from God's point of view and that it is bad to do this. Yes, I believe if it is going to lead to other things it isn'r right, but we were both strong in our faith and that's all that we ever did. I was just wondering if it truly states anywhere in the Bible about this, because that is what he claims it says. He also told me that this would lead him to lust. I really don't understand what that means. I know God doesn't want that. My boyfriend actually got all of this from the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Do you have any reviews on this book? I would really like any advice you can give me. Thanks!
Reply: Thanks for writing to me! I'm so glad you check out the Vintage View! Very appreciated since I love the opportunity to connect with you! I hope your heart is healing from your break up. I know this is never an easy time - but I also know God can teach us great things through heartache. So -more than anything, I hope I can encourage you - to seek for yourself - what God has said concerning HIS love for YOU and His perspective about your purity. Grab hold of your Bible and read IT! God's Word to you is the most beautiful love story you could ever know and live!
Yes, I have read Joshua Harris's book - I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I like it - a lot. He identifies some critical moral issues that absolutely break the heart of God. He encourages young men and women to "learn to build their walk with Christ before expecting to find someone to marry." Love that! Often we expect that in finding someone to marry - everything in us and in our world will be not only established - but repaired. How untrue! Only Jesus can build - and repair - a heart. No human being was every meant to bear that role. So - yes, I have read it - and Sweet One, I would encourage you to read it, too. I can't help but wonder why your boyfriend didn't invite you to read it with him...and share in the perspective he was gaining about dating - especially when he was dating YOU??? That, my friend, is very eye opening about your relationship. He did not include you - but rather held you apart from this opportunity. Now, I'm not about to try and analyze him or his reasoning - but when two come together in a dating relationship - both equally yoked in their passion to honor God - what they learn of Him - is SHARED in SO many ways - verbally and non-verbally. He should not talk down to you about what is right or wrong - but on a level classroom floor - talk to you about what you and he are learning together. You're a team as much as dating allows you to be a team. Dating is a cultural issue for sure - not a Biblical issue - but it is one that can be viewed as an opportunity to honor God. Glorifying God in EVERY relationship - now THAT is a Biblical issue.
God is very, very specific as to how we are to glorify Him - as His children - in our relationships. Whether you are dating, or not - the truths God teaches us about how to love - should be the overflow of our heart. For example: Lust. Your boyfriend didn't want to be physical with you because this would cause Him to lust, right? Girl - I respect that! If his trigger for lust was to simply hold your hand - or give you a kiss - than as someone who cares for him - as someone who cares for his relationship to our God - you not only get to respect that - but you get to help him with that. Cool calling - and yes - difficult - but still very beautiful as an opportunity to help him live for Christ. Does the Bible say, "Don't hold hands or kiss when you are dating." NO! Dating is not mentioned at all. It does say - do not lust (Colossians 3:5). Jesus teaches us in Matthew 5:27-28 that for someone to even look on a woman with lust is to commit adultery. Harsh? not at all - serious reflection of how God sees the heart and our intentions. Everything we do flows from the heart (Proverbs 4:23). So - if this young man was thinking about having sex with you when he's kissing you or holding your hand - God bless him for having the self-control - and the strong convictions - to draw a line. However, he may have missed one critical aspect to that line. - It is not just a shield that protects him...which seems to be the reason why he drew it. That line that he has drawn from Scripture -is a shield for you as well. What he could have done - what a man who loves God and loves you - will do - is help you understand how God's Word - embraced in His heart - is a covering for both of you; - how that Scripture line is both protection and a blessing to you individually and in your relationship.
Sweet Girl - my hope for you - is that on your own - you will take the opportunity that you have in your singleness to learn the truths of God that define His love for YOU. These truths will endear you to your God - and they will bless you in your relationships - so that you - with equal passion - will bring to every relationship (girls you align yourself with, or a future boyfriend) the incredible intimacy you have with our God - HIS WORD - HIS PERSPECTIVE - wrapped around your heart! to bless you AND protect you - AND those who get to see and hear God's Word living and active in you! Like Wes has been teaching us at this Vintage - and Pastor Jerry has been teaching this on Sundays...The TRUTHS we learn are not just for us alone. We are the mobile church of God - each of us - a light set on a hill. AND WE get to reflect God's Word in us - the gospel - to a world that desperately needs to see HIM. " Thank God for this experience you have had. It is good. Do not lament or look back...only forward with the wisdom YOU have gained. Embrace every lesson from God's Word, Sweet Girl, live it out fully - celebrate it, and pass it on! I'll be right behind you!
"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in THIS PRESENT AGE, while we wait for the blessd hope - the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people, that are his very own, eager to do what is good. These then are the things you should teach. ECOURAGE and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you." Titus 2:11-15