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Why do I keep giving in to sex?

Vintage Message:

Hello, Laura.

I recently bought your's and Kemper's book, and I absolutely love it. After skimming through it, I felt pushed to contact you about a perosnal issue. For starters, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Our first 2-3 years of dating, we were giving into temptations which lead to a sexual relationship. A couple of years ago we both found Christ together. We are now both strongly rooted in Christ and have been pursuing a Christ-centered relationship except for the fact that we still struggle with sexual purity. Thinking back to last year and the relationship series at Vintage , I remember you saying that if you're in a dating relationship with someone and you're having sex, and your desire is to be pure, you should break up. That's always coming across my mind. BUT I have other people telling me that we can overcome this. My boyfriend and I know God's plan, and we want that. We know premarital sex damagaes so much. So why do we keep giving in? It's a constant battle and I'm so tired and numb. But why do I keep giving in? Who am I to say I live for God when I keep having sex with a man who is not my husband. And the truth is, when we do have sex, our relationship actually crumbles. We're both so hurt and filled with guilt that we just shut one another out. BUT - it still happens again. I hate living in a constant sin cycle and with the pain that it is causing me. Despite the fact that we keep hurting one another this way, I do care for him very much. He is everything I want in a man. He treats me great. He has a relationship with The Lord. He's patient toward me, and loving. But - BAM! we have sex and we're back at square one. Is this going to break us apart? Am I with the wrong person? If we can't have self-control now, imagine my future with him! I would appreciate your help. Thank you!

Reply:

Hi! Thank you for investing in our book! I hope that as you read it you hear the heart of other men and women seeking God just as you are. I hope you hear in their stories God's grace and mercy and that you see it in your own relationship to Him and to this young man as well. I love your heart for God - that you long for Him and, and I love that you know that sin destroys your sense of communion with Him. Please know that He always loves you, always longs for you, and that is why you feel the Holy Spirit within you ache when you sin. Isn't that amazing? We ache over our sin because God indwells us. Amazing! What a gift! He never lets us go, but continually calls us to be holy as He is holy (I Peter 1:16). Only God offers perfect counsel, right? So - to Him - is where I want us both to go right now. Please ask God to speak to you about everything you expressed to me. Read His Word and wait for Him to reply with truth that will guide you. Psalm 119 is one of my favorite Psalms. How about begin there? Read until God speaks to you specifically about what is happening in your life right now. I know He will. He is so faithful to teach us. I'm praying for you! And I'll write back soon!

Reply:

Hey! How are you? What have you been learning from Psalm 119?

Vintage Message:

Hi, Laura! I am doing well! Verse 9, Laura. So, simple but it has so much truth in it; "How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word." Seems so simple and obvious... Then it continues: "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Firt off, I know it's not impossible to stay pure until marriage. People do accomplish the pursuit of purity in their dating relationships. Read this helps me gain assurance that I can do it! And I think a lot of times, the natural, human part of me, that I believe I can do it, too. But the words "hidden your word in my heart" made me think, what's that really mean? I think that's my problem. Maybe HIs word isn't hidden in me enough. Because when we know God's word well, it becomes a part of us. And it shapes our thinking, our values, and our behavior. By KNOWING God's word it'll just become our new nature to want to please Him by doing what is right when we understand fully what He wants - and how THIS is our good. Which won't lead us to sinning. Verse 33-40: "Direct me in the path of your commands for there I find delight." I need to find this delight in the Lord's commands. I need to TRUST that His plan is better than mine. I lack that. And I think I lack that because I lack HIS daily bread. I'm not in His word every day. I'm so good at making excuses. Verse 50 also spoke to me: "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." What great comfort knowing that His promise protects us. How do I go against that? I'm not protecting myself by giving inot temptation. I'm not listening to His promise - being his love and grace for me. But - even in the midsot of my sin, He's still showing me His love and forgiveness - even though it hurts HIm. The word trust cam across a lot in Psalm 119. Maybe I don't trust His commands. I say I do, but my constant act of sin doesn't show that. I believe I need to trust in Him more. He knows the plans He has form me. I need to trust His Word. I need to put all of my trust in Him with everything I say and do... I was lead to talk to my boyfriend, not knowing what to expect. I asked God to speak through love and kindness. I asked him to guide me and to direct my tongue for what I should and should not say. After talking with my boyfriend for awhile, we both agreed to to take time apart and focus on our individual relationships to God. We both understood what the other was saying, and I truly felt God's presence with me. Laura, I want to be the woman God calls me to be. And I need to do that on my own - by seeking His Word and UNDERSTANDING it to my fullest. I feel at peace. I feel safe. I ask you to pray for me to stay consistent with His Word daily. Thank you so much.

Reply:

This is AMAZING! Amazing grace! Amazing courage! Amazing truth! Seeking God brings blessing. Obedience brings blessing, and I know God will continue to bless you as you seek Him and live for Him. Blessing is one thing our Father is really, really good at. Get with women who love God and love you so that they can encourage you and so that you can grow together. We need one another. A godly friend is forever. Thank you for letting me be a friend, and blessing me with the opportunity to learn with you and from you, and for letting me share the wisdom God has given you ABUNDANTLY with other women who are going through the very same thing! Know you are prayed for and loved! Psalm 32:8 God is faithful!

LOVE!

Laura